Miso laid on her living room floor, hair fanned out around her head in a messy halo and her legs propped up against the firm body of her pink bean bag chair. With one hand resting on her belly, the other idly scratched between her dog’s ears. It was late in the day, the sun beginning its descent into the horizon, and golden light shone into her massive windows to cast a beautiful glow over the interior of the brightly decorated apartment.
Her apartment.
She still wasn’t used to saying that even 3 months later and the mere thought caused a little grin to play on her lips. At the same time, a heavy sigh crackled on the other end of the line.
“Yeah...yeah okay. You’re right.” Miso could hear the smile growing on her best friend’s face. A matching one spread onto her own as he continued. “You always know what to say, Meemerz.”
Just those few words sent a wave of pride and glee crashing over the 24-year-old, her mood improving even more after the funk she’d found herself in all day. Painted toes curled in delight under fuzzy My Melody socks and she shifted positions so she was lying on her stomach, legs kicking idly like a schoolgirl. Praise was good but praise from Hyunjin? Transcendent, delicious.
“Of course, I do! I’m a fucking genius!” she boasted, earning a chuckle from him. She could picture him running a hand through his hair, shaking his head in quiet disbelief before jumping in to yes-and her as they always did. But, before he could get a word out, something else caught his attention.
“Oh right, and- what? Yeah, alright. I’m coming.” Miso’s mood immediately took a nosedive as the short conversation was clearly coming to an end. She’d called first, needing to rant a little and maybe get some advice, but somehow he’d gotten his bestie therapy session first. That wasn’t a big deal, of course. She’d happily talk him through his spiraling just like he would for her...only, now he had to go. And that had been happening for months. These days, it was like he never had any time for her because of a certain someone who just so happened to be the source of all of his current concerns.
“Meemz? That was Kook. I know you called but I- I gotta go. I’m sorry...”
He sounded apologetic, but that didn’t do much to make Miso feel better about the situation. Still, she plastered a useless smile on her face and injected it back into her voice so her friend could focus on meeting his boyfriend’s parents without needless worry.
“Mh, no problem! Go on and meet your future in-laws~” she teased with a practiced giggle. Years of putting on a brave face had made it virtually unalienable from a genuine laugh, and Hyunjin took the bait easily, bidding her adieu after a bashful laugh and “no wayy” of his own.
Once he hung up, Miso’s home was plunged into a lonely silence and her bad mood rolled back in like a set of inky black storm clouds, threatening to unleash a torrential downpour upon her.
The past month or so had been Miso’s own personal hell and it all rightfully chose to culminate on this day—her move-out day. Earlier, she’d said her official goodbyes to the remaining Aurora members who she’d come to care for so deeply because she was “graduating” while the group itself got dissolved. Moving on to bigger, better things; though Miso knew that was just a flowery word the company used to make the group’s rapid member turn-around seem less insane and less like glaring proof that their management was shit.
There had been tears—mostly on her part, with some from Yeojin. The two younger girls were more emotionally steeled, but Miso still squeezed them into a teary group hug and promises of not being strangers around the company from there on, even as she went on to one group and they waited for the next.
With a whimpery goodbye, she lugged the last of her dorm belongings into her manager Jungwon’s car because she would no longer be Aurora’s leader...or a member at all, for that matter. Instead, she was being shoved into Dia—their senior group that had lost a couple of girls at separate points in the time since she debuted under DSF.
She remained uncharacteristically silent in the car while Jungwon explained to her the logistics of how she’d move groups. They didn’t want to just spring her onto the public—leaving one group and joining another in quick succession wouldn’t look good; especially with the other members not re-debuting at the same time. It’d be confusing and ugly and the executives wanted to avoid that mess as much as possible. So, she’d be out of the main spotlight for at least a year. The other girls could recoup and the fans could get used to no more Aurora, DIA could go on their world tour...and that left Miso to do “her own thing.”
She knew that Jungwon meant her other projects—hosting Miso’s Lullabam and Simply Kpop, continuing to post dance videos to the company channel if she so desired—but it still left a hollow, gaping hole in the bottle blonde’s chest. She was getting cast aside for who knows how long to save face for the company and her sisters. The latter, she didn’t mind, but sitting pretty and keeping a poorly-run company looking good just left a bad taste in her mouth. Not even the Dallae execs had been this cruel.
She had a million worries that all got louder once Jungwon dropped her off with a promise to call her later once whatever other managerial errands she had to do were done.
Would Flickers forget about her now that she was no longer an Aurora member? When she eventually joined DIA, would they hate her? Would the DIA fans hate her too for replacing their favorite members? Ever since they’d been told the news at a sudden Miso & DIA meeting, she’d been afraid of the backlash she’d receive for simply hopping between groups. It seemed so snotty and reeked of favoritism that she didn’t even receive.
If she was favored, they'd let her go solo instead. They’d have done that from the start when her successful predebut duet proved she was worthy. Or they'd at least attempt to protect her from the vicious gossip sites that'd been spreading fake dating news about her and Hyunjin or her and Taeyang that already made her look like some pretentious rookie fucking her way to the top. But they weren't doing any of that.
Instead, they were leaving her to the wolves and giving her a lengthy hiatus to lick her wounds—potentially career homicide—purely because of their own poor artist and staff retention and refusal to let a formerly five-member group just be three.
Heaving a long-suffering sigh, Miso dropped her phone on the plush carpet beneath her and her head followed soon after, muffling a whine that bubbled from her throat. She considered the other people she could call for advice—or, at least, an ear—but every single option was quickly dashed by her own unwillingness to inconvenience anyone. To be a burden.
Nancy was at a shoot. Taeyang was usually in the middle of a class or rehearsal at this time. Dongho was at bootcamp and she’d hate to interrupt anything serious or get him in trouble. Any of her siblings? Her grandparents? She’d rather die than worry them when they were miles and miles away.
So, as she laid there, overthinking about her situation, the ensuing silence soon gave way to sniffles and quivering shoulders as she did the only thing she felt she could do: cry.
The crippling loneliness of her situation wrapped around Miso’s heart like barbed wire and squeezed, a painful reminder that all she’d ever do in life was get passed on and on from one hopeful space to the next—the last one a smoldering pile of ashes behind her. She cried and cried, only acknowledging Hoju’s concerned ear sniffing with an irritated whine that melted into further sobs because now she was in a crisis and she felt like shit for being mad at her sweet baby dog. She continued to cry, burying her face in her arms because the furry rug was getting hard to breathe into.
By the time she finally calmed down, the sun was long gone and the city lights helped the moon light up the view outside. Face hot and head aching, she crawled over and dragged her exhausted body up onto the loveseat to look out over the city below. Hoju joined her, and she pulled the Sheltie into her arms, burying her nose in his kiwi blossom-scented fur. The familiar scent was comforting, along with watching the cars and people mill about below. Across the street, she could see into some lit windows where even more people were living their lives.
Were they happy? She hoped so...
She watched mindlessly for a while before her thoughts began to drift right back to her situation. Only this time, she tried to be a bit more realistic. She didn’t have to take this lying down, did she? She could meet up with Stephanie and discuss her feelings, her concerns. They could work together on a solution...or she could leave. She could leave altogether, just like everyone else who saw the writing on the wall and chose better for themselves.
Diamond Soul Factory was poorly run by a former superstar with zero business sense. Diamond Soul Factory didn’t care about its artists, hardly protecting them from scandals and predatory staff members alike. Diamond Soul Factory didn’t care about anybody but their senior groups. And even those had members they were all-too-happy to let go of.
She had to get out.
But how could she? She’d already used up the last years of her teens and her early twenties in one company. The last two years being all for naught would really be a hit to her already deadly imposter syndrome. And what if she did leave? Then Flickers and Mimoris would have no reason to keep following her; especially if she never found a place to debut again. All of her hard work, all the money, all of her youth...it’d all go to waste just like that. Just because she couldn’t stick it out this time. And it’d look bad on Audrey & Marilyn, wouldn’t it? They’d be the dance studio that still housed the failed idol. And would her friends keep talking to her then? They all had successful careers. They’d be much too busy to keep up with Miso the failure, crawling back to her hometown with her tail between her legs.
Her vision began to blur, tears once again crowding her eyes as more and more worries piled up on her. But, before she could spiral even deeper, her phone chimed from its spot on the floor, the Totally Spies communicator tone filling her home. She almost ignored it, but it was followed by more notifications in quick succession.
Releasing Hujo, she went to grab it and roughly swiped at her eyes with her free hand.
Text messages from Vive Studios staff members. She opened the group chat to find a series of cheerful, emoji-filled messages:
shinminlee326: Woo hoo!🥳 🎉 Let’s congratulate our little sister on a successful graduation!! Our firecracker is getting a much-deserved BREAKMiso smiled despite herself, a laugh bubbling up through one last sob as she urged her hands to stop shaking long enough to shoot out a reply. Or several. She’ll double, triple text until the day she dies.
👏(10) 🥳 (10)
shinminlee326: Who’s up for dinner?? 👀👀
👍(10) 😋 (4)
jaessonderulolo: and drinks?? 👀🍺
👍(3)
shinminlee326: hahh?? And who's gonna be responsible for your bad habits, Kwon Jaesson? Drinks aren’t cheap 😤💸
limgaeunvive: I’ll pay 😊
♥️(10)
bo_min: ayyeee!! That’s our PD-nim!!
jaessonderulolo: yea!! Gaeun noona, we love you!! 🥺🙏
ilike_yu: woo hoo! I’m in!!! 👏🏽👏🏽
shinminlee326: 😭 you guys are a bunch of alcoholics...
jaessonderulolo: ya ya, @kimsmiley, answer quick! what time works for you?
👀 (5)
kimsmiley: omg omg 🥺😭Taking a deep breath to calm herself, scurried upstairs to charge her phone and find something to wear, flicking on a light on the way to brighten up the previously dark apartment. Hoju followed, quickly at her feet.
kimsmiley: you guys really like me, huh? 😏
🙄(2)
kimsmiley: let’s do 8ish, I’m a mess from practice lol
👍(2) 😷(3)
ilike_yu: ew stinkyyyy 😷
😂(4)
kimsmiley: someone else pick the place! I’ll never decide 😣
👍(2)
Half an hour later, Miso stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a fluffy robe with her wet hair dripping. She went back up to the loft to settle at her desk/vanity and found her phone lit up from another notification.
It was Jungmin from A&M this time (Aye, Mimi! Drop by this weekend? got a vid I wanna pitch!). And Nancy (O M G, the photographer at this shoot was the HOTTEST guy I’ve ever seen...). And Jungwon (All the funky stuff’s settled. No schedules tomorrow!! I’ll take you out for brunch!). And a missed call from Taeyang. She smiled, wider than she had all day and got to responding, calling Taeyang on speaker so she could get to everyone without being late for dinner.
Maybe she wasn’t as alone as she felt. She could do this. She would be okay.